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Post by Ascension on Dec 3, 2006 15:28:36 GMT -5
A dad is on his way home a bit late from the office when he realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he has not bought her a gift. So he stops at a toy store to buy his daughter a Barbie. Inside he sees a Barbie display and asks the salesgirl how much the Barbie's are. The girl responds: "Which one? We have: Gymnasium Barbie: $19.95 Volleyball Barbie: $19.95 Shopping Barbie: $19.95 Surfer Barbie: $19.95 Disco Barbie: $19.95 and Divorced Barbie: $299.95
Shocked, the man asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $299.95 when all the other Barbie's are $19.95?" Exasperated, the girl responds: "Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with": Ken's Car Ken's House Ken's Boat Ken's furniture Ken's jewelry Ken's money Ken's computer, and Ken's best friend.
[glow=red,2,300]You go girl![/glow]
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Post by Bantams on Dec 12, 2006 8:39:48 GMT -5
A Woman takes her 16 year old daughter to see the Doctor. The Doctor says,"OK Mrs Jones whats the problem?
The Mother says,"Its my Daughter,Rachel.She keeps getting these Cravings,Shes been sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Rachel a thorough examination,then turns to the mother and says,"Well,don't know how to tell you this Mrs Jones,but Rachel is Pregnant about four months would be my guess."
The mother says,"Pregnant! She cant be. She's never even been left alone with a man. Have you Rachel?"
Rachel says,"No! I've never even kissed a man let alone anything else."
The doctor walks over to the windowand just stares out of it.About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there Doctor?."
The Doctor replies,"No,not really.Its just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the East and three wise men came over the Hill. I'll be damned if i'm going to miss it this time!"
Happy Christmas Folks
Bantams ;D ;D
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Post by arthursrodrigues on Jan 14, 2007 0:34:02 GMT -5
For our macaco friends:
A girl from the countryside of Portugal was looking to the horse of the milk deliver. Then she saw the horse pis-sing. When the deliver boy passed through her, she asked: - Thou have much deliver for today? - Why? - Because I think that you are not going too far, because the horse lost all his oil.
lol
bad one, but we have plenty of portuguese jokes here!
How do you take milk from a cow in Portugal? One portuguese hold her teets and four move the cow.
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A portuguese kidnapped a guy and sent a letter to his parents and a piece of the ear. Shocked, they read the letter, wrote by the bandit:
- This ear is mine, but pay fast or next time it will be of your son!
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Maria came to Joaquim and said:
- Darling, I don't want to have a chinese baby. - Gosh, sweetheart, we are portuguese! - Are you fool, Joaquim? Haven't you heard that one in five children on the world are chinese?
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Post by dreddcool on Jan 14, 2007 0:43:33 GMT -5
lol arthur, but u ll piss our macaco friends off wth these jokes ;D
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Post by MMV on Jan 19, 2007 16:45:22 GMT -5
two little boys at the doctor's office with their moms -
the first one asked the other, "what are you here for?"
the other said, "circumcision"
the first one said, "ouch - I had that when I was born and couldn't walk for a year"
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Post by cankaban on Feb 4, 2007 0:04:46 GMT -5
one day,3 noob hunter,and Temel(our most favourite joke character) go hunting.. when they arrive at hunting area Temel shows a small hole and says 'its a rabbit hole,lets wait in front of it'.after a short period of waiting ,rabbit comes out of the hole and hunters kill it.. several hours later Temel sees a bigger hole.he thinks about it a while,and says 'its a fox hole,lets wait in front of it.'suddenly they see a fox and kill it as well.. while they looking for a bigger hole,Temel sees a really big hole.he says instantly 'yyyeeeaaa its a bear hole,lets wait in front of it.after waiting some hours bear comes and dies... but turkish people always look for more and they continue searching for a bigger hole.after walking for a while,Temel sees the biggest hole of his life.after thinking about what might come in it,Temel decides to say that he has no opinion about the monster in it.and adds lets wait in front of it to see what will come... NEXT DAY ON NEWSPAPERS: TRAIN HITS 4 HUNTER.. I LOVE MY COUNTRY
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Post by arthursrodrigues on Feb 4, 2007 2:48:27 GMT -5
horrible joke, can -_-
lost my time reading that bs
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Post by cankaban on Feb 4, 2007 3:29:09 GMT -5
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Post by Bantams on Feb 4, 2007 4:16:12 GMT -5
Cranky you are so banned from my forums
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Post by DarkPepsi on Feb 6, 2007 23:59:48 GMT -5
Twelve priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally naked, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.
Poor Carlos; as she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.
Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and bent over to pick it up.
Then all the other bells started to ring....
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Post by cankaban on Feb 7, 2007 1:34:29 GMT -5
puhahahah thats really funny:)
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Post by DarkPepsi on Feb 10, 2007 15:45:39 GMT -5
For all you married men out there.... ;D ;D ;D
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife suddenly appears out of nowhere and I'm tired of looking for her!
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Post by MMV on Feb 10, 2007 17:39:25 GMT -5
a little girl asks her dad for a G.I.Joe doll to go with her Barbie Doll.
the dad says, "I thought Barbie came with the Ken Doll?"
the little girls says, "No, she fakes it with Ken, she comes with G.I.Joe....."
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Post by Necrominousss on May 28, 2007 16:46:46 GMT -5
Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him,
"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'"
"How shocking!" the priest exclaimed; then he thought for a moment. "You know, I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Frank and Jacob. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in n o time "
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed the female parrots in the cage. Immediately, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
"Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!"
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Post by whiplash on May 28, 2007 23:26:20 GMT -5
Well that's the second parrot joke I've heard. Here's the first:
A woman thinks that having a parrot at home might be a great novelty for the family. So she goes shopping at the pet store. All of the parrots on display cost $300 or more except for one who carries a price tag of $50.
She asks the clerk why that parrot is so cheap. The clerk replies that the parrot had been caged in a brothel that had recently been closed down and picked up some pretty salty talk.
Well she decides to buy the cheap parrot and takes it home.
When she sets up the cage in the living room and takes off the sheath the parrot looks at her and says "Ah, a new madam". She figures, that's not so bad.
When her teenage son comes home the parrot says "Hey kid, your too you to be banging the broads around here". The woman now thinks that this purchase may have been a bad idea.
Later her daughter arrives home and the parrot says "Hey, fresh tender meat". The woman groans.
Just as she decides to take the parrot back to the shop her husband comes home. The parrot looks at him and says "Hi Dave".
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Post by Bantams on Aug 19, 2007 4:08:34 GMT -5
A man was lying on a blanket at the beach He had no arms or legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said " Have you ever had a hug" The man said "No", So she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss". The man said "No", So she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third woman walked over to him, knelt down and whispered in his ear, "Have you ever been F****d?
The fellow looked up in amazement and said "No"
The woman smiled and said "You will be when the tide comes in."
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Post by AngelofLove on Aug 19, 2007 14:07:46 GMT -5
A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"
"I'm Jim."
"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"
"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!" So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. "Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.
"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.
"Is it your brother?"
A man was drinking in a bar when he noticed this beautiful young lady sitting next to him. "Hello there," says the man, "and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?"
"I'm Jim."
"Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight? I mean, right now??"
"Sure!" replies Jim, "Let's go!"
So Stacey takes Jim to her house and takes him to her room. Jim sits down on the bed and notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk. "Stacey, I noticed the picture of a man on your desk," Jim says.
"Yes? And what about it?" asks Stacey.
"Is it your brother?"
"No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. Jim's eyes widen, suspecting that it might be Stacey's husband.
When he finally asks, "Is it your husband?"
Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" Jim was relieved.
"Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!!"
"Then, who is it?" Jim asks.
Stacey replies, "That's me BEFORE my operation!!"
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Post by Bantams on Aug 20, 2007 6:17:01 GMT -5
Three men are sitting in room smoking cannabis.
After a few spliffs they run out of gear. One of the men stands up and says, "Look, we've got loads more tobacco, I'll just nip into the kitchen and make one of my specialty spliffs."
Off he goes into the kitchen where he takes some of the spices from the spice rack, grinds them up and rolls them into a spliff.
On his return he hands it to one of his smoking partners who lights it and takes a long drag.
Within seconds he passes out.
Ten minutes go by, then an hour, and he's still out cold, so they decide to take him to the hospital.
On arrival he is wheeled into intensive care. The doctor returns to his friends and asks, "So what was he doing then - Cannabis?"
"Well sort of", replies one of the guys, "But we ran out of gear, so I made a home-made spliff."
"Oh" replies the doctor, "so what did you put in it?"
"Um, a bit of cumin, some turmeric, garam masala and a couple of other spices." comes the answer
The doctor sighs, "Well that explains it. He'll be here for 3 weeks before he wakes up."
"Why, what's wrong with him?" asks one of the men.
The doctor replies,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"He's in a korma".
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Post by AngelofLove on Aug 22, 2007 15:06:42 GMT -5
MasterCard For Men Cover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: priceless.
There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, there's Mastercard
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Post by AngelofLove on Aug 22, 2007 15:13:30 GMT -5
Blonde in a Boat. There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt
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